I turned 44 on August 8th. I spent the evening with 4 beautiful women (my wife included) and ate gourmet sandwiches from Mendicino Farms and cupcakes from Sprinkles. We also drank grapefruit-y cocktails and enjoyed some hearty laughs. Then I popped in Depeche Mode’s Touring the Angel: Live in Milan and everyone started to fade. As the ladies left me one by one, I went ahead and took a few minutes to reflect on 44 years of life.
I really thought I would be much more successful and famous by now. Hell, I thought that when I turned 24 and 34. But as my friend Adam aka The Counselor always reminds me, “success” should never be defined by fame or fortune. The fact is, I have a pretty goddamn good life and I’m grateful. Yes, I’ve taken some very severe hits. And, no, I don’t have my own TV show on HBO or whatever. But I DO have the creative freedom to sit here at home on a Monday afternoon typing this stupid sentence. And while we’re not going to get to Ireland AGAIN this year because we are so psychotically worried about leaving our aging, ill pug Mickey behind, we’re still gonna be taking a few road trips with the dogs in the fall (including one big one to Napa Valley). That I even have the FREEDOM to travel and explore and eventually relay what I see and do with you here on this blog. That YOU might even care!
Which brings me to this point: I’m not feeling the urge to give up on my alleged “career” yet. I can’t anyway because I don’t know what the hell else I would do with my life, although I have fantasized about being a US Postal Worker.
44. Older. Fatter. Grayer. And my libido? ForGET it. I may as well still be 14 (with posters of Depeche Mode on my wall). My therapist encouraged me to seriously work on re-programming my brain to not think about sex all the time and re-direct that energy more towards my creative work. While I have mostly failed MISERABLY at this goal, I can say with a weak degree of confidence that I’m trying a little harder to do just that.
It’s so funny. My whole 44 years, I’ve heard how brilliant and talented and amazing I am.
Yeah…..and?
I’ve also always heard how NO ONE ever knows what the hell to do with me.
Y’know what?
That’s quite alright. I’m taking matters into my own hands now.
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