A lotta people primarily think I’m Jewish because of how neurotic I can be…and/or my last name. They also wonder if I’m related to the late Ed Koch or one of those much-maligned Koch Brothers that stir up so much outrage.
I am not Jewish, I’m sorry to say. I am a mixed salad of German, Irish, and God Knows What Else. A mutt. A whitey. A cracker. A freckled fuss-bag full of fear, fire, and fight.
But not Jewish.
However, in 1983, when I was 13-years-old, my mother, the gentile Carol Ann, married Thomas J. Payson – formally Thomas BAGEL (it’s true) – and the next thing ya know, Mom and I were suddenly immediate members of this big ol’ lovable Jewish family FULL of aunts, uncles, grandmas, nieces, nephews, cousins, and cut-ups. There were Silvermans, Krupnicks, and Taubes all over the place. And I LOVED it. I had no IDEA families got together every Sunday night for supper…replete with singing, joke-hurling, news-tossing, and “60 Minutes” with dessert. It was a real eye-opener. Not only to witnessing whole new levels of expressing love, but also to a culture I was entirely oblivious to. Once I got keen at the family seders as to where the matzoh was hid and who ghostly Elijah was when he came through the door, I was hooked. I felt a part of something. And I adapted many of those early experiences into my belief system today. I’d been through Catholic and Buddhist phases, too. But the Jew thing got IN me, baby! It got IN me! I mean, I even dated MOSTLY Jewish chicks up until I met my wife. I LOVED their big, round tuchises SO much. Oy vey.
But, no, I’m not Jewish. Although I did use to go around declaring myself a “sub-Jew”.
Which brings me to Manischewitz. Now I remember always trying to sneak slugs of this stuff at family events. I knew it tasted like grape juice with something else added in there but I don’t think I was entirely clear that it was actual Kosher wine. And now all I wanna do is go out and pick up a bottle and do a video tasting of it for this blog.
So what about you? If you’re a Jewish person reading this, do you like Manischewitz? Are you even a wine person? And if so, can you simply bring any varietal you enjoy to rabbi and simply have the dude bless it for you? I’m very curious here. Comment below if you can. And what’s the “Concord Grape” thing about? And does the screw top offend you? Tawk to me…
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