{"id":604,"date":"2015-01-23T20:13:03","date_gmt":"2015-01-23T20:13:03","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/maxkochuncorked.com\/?p=604"},"modified":"2015-11-17T21:33:07","modified_gmt":"2015-11-17T21:33:07","slug":"im-an-uncle","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/maxkochuncorked.com\/?p=604","title":{"rendered":"I’m an Uncle!"},"content":{"rendered":"

I don’t have kids. I most likely won’t EVER have ’em, either. That was a choice I made when I married my wife. Kids or no kids, honey? Answer: no kids. I still married her. Well, it wasn’t her<\/em> fault she never really cared for children. I mean, I was cool with\u00a0them growing up and used to daydream about being surrounded by 8 daughters. But that’s just not gonna happen now. And you know what? I’m fine with it. Being the misanthropic mess I have become in my now-middle age, I am\u00a0absolutely, positively FINE with it. Just look at the world! Or better yet, don’t. Hide in denial, drink wine, and\u00a0watch Netflix.<\/b><\/p>\n

What helps is having a kid sister who just pooped out a 7lb. \/ 6oz. baby\u00a0boy named Payson James. Everyone else is planning on calling him “Pace” for short. But not me, no sir. No, I plan to be different. PJ will be his name! Little PJ…Poopsalot. Well, my nickname for him is still in the\u00a0developmental stage. The point is, I have a nephew now. And I plan to be a very active, very present, and very WEIRD…Uncle Max.<\/strong><\/p>\n

And I’m so excited.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Payson<\/a><\/p>\n

So wild to think I once changed my kid sister’s diapers and she’s now changing her own kid’s diapers. Yeah, yeah, “Circle of Life”, but it really IS freaky.<\/strong><\/p>\n

I have 3 uncles. One’s dead, one’s building houses in the midwest, and one is living “off the grid” in\u00a0the outskirts of Portland, Oregon. That\u00a0would be my Uncle Patrick<\/a>. We were very close once. We\u00a0drank a lot, partied a lot, camped out together a lot. I even almost made a movie about him back in 2006. Shot the whole thing with The Counselor, but only managed to drop a trailer<\/a>\u00a0before getting derailed by other stuff.\u00a0But since he left California wine country, where he owned a dream-like piece of property in the heart of Sonoma County, right off the Russian River<\/a>, we have since…drifted apart. It saddens me. But I root for him. I know we’ll hook up again someday. Hopefully.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Little PJ, however, will always know his Uncle Max. I will fly down to Texas where he lives to visit him. I will send him Christmas and birthday gifts. I will call him on that stupid Face Time. And I will eventually be a VERY bad influence on him. <\/strong><\/p>\n

I can’t wait.<\/strong><\/p>\n

WINE PAIRING: In honor of my Uncle Pat, let’s uncork a\u00a02013 Russian River Valley Pinot Noir<\/a>. I’ve had it. And it’s delicious. Rub a drop of it on the roof of your baby’s mouth!<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I don’t have kids. I most likely won’t EVER have ’em, either. That was a choice I made when I married my wife. Kids or no kids, honey? Answer: no kids. I still married her. Well, it wasn’t her fault she never really cared for children. I mean, I was cool with them growing up and […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[159,158,160,161],"class_list":["post-604","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-babies","tag-kids","tag-russian-river-valley-pinot-noir","tag-weird-uncles"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p4VgPA-9K","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/maxkochuncorked.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/604","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/maxkochuncorked.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/maxkochuncorked.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/maxkochuncorked.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/maxkochuncorked.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=604"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/maxkochuncorked.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/604\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1087,"href":"https:\/\/maxkochuncorked.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/604\/revisions\/1087"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/maxkochuncorked.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=604"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/maxkochuncorked.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=604"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/maxkochuncorked.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=604"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}