Shoreline Inn…on the beach is my most favorite place on Earth. There. I said it.
RANDOM DOUCHE-ROCKET: Where’s Shoreline Inn…on the beach, Max? Is it actually ON the beach?
ME: Yes. It’s actually ON the beach.
RD: Which beach, somewhere down in San Diego?
ME: NO!! God no.
RD: Oh. You got something against San Diego?
ME: Yes. I do. I do not care for San Diego. There. I said it.
RD: How can ANYONE not like San Diego? That’s just…dumb.
ME: Well. I think you’re dumb. You probably like Temecula.
RD: Yeah, as a matter of fact, I do.
ME: Forget it. Why am I talking to you?
RD: You were telling me about Shoreline in the beach.
ME: No!! Shoreline Inn…ON the beach.
RD: Why are you being such a dick?
ME: I don’t know. Sorry. It’s not you, it’s me.
RD: I’ll say.
ME: “I’ll say”??
RD: Dude. Whatever. I’ll ask you again. Where is this place?
ME: It’s about three and a half hours from where I live. Straight off Highway 1 on the central coast of California. Cayucos.
ME: NO!! KAI. YOU. CUSS.
RD: I think you need a glass of wine.
ME: NOW we’re in sync. Look. Cayucos is the little seaside hamlet where the Shoreline Inn resides. It derives its name from the kayak-like boats used by the Chumash Indians back in the olden days. It’s the most perfect coastal town you will ever see. It’s like Sweethaven, where Robin Williams’ Popeye rowed ashore? Remember the Sweethaven anthem? I always sing that when I’m in Cayucos.
RD: Too soon, Max.
ME: I’m sorry?
RD: Robin Williams jokes. Too soon, dude.
ME: But…I…wasn’t making a joke. I was simply making a comparison. I wasn’t making FUN of Robin Williams, you LOAD!!!
RD: Anyway, I didn’t know this was going to be a whole history lesson. Why are you all about this stupid blog now? Are you EVER gonna make any more Tony Soprano videos?
Okay, I can’t write this script anymore. It was getting too frustratingly real. In fact, I don’t even know why I ever bother telling ANYONE about Cayucos and the Shoreline Inn. I just wanna keep them all to myself! Maybe it’s because I wanna drum up more business for the Shoreline. But then I realize that’s ridiculous and they don’t need my help at all because they are ALWAYS booked these days. I mean, even in the off seasons they have become a real force to be reckoned with, reservations-wise. And I know damn well why. They are always changing it up. New decor, new roof, new fixtures. New vibes. They really care about their regulars. Not to mention, they’re the most dog-friendly beach resort you will ever see in your life. My pug Lily lived for her trips to the Shoreline. We even brought her up there for one final excursion before we had to say goodbye to her because she had fallen so ill. I can’t walk on Cayucos Beach these days without seeing her little fawn ghost.
But it’s okay because now we go up with Malcolm and Mickey!
Speaking of “The Sopranos”: The ONLY bummer my wife and I ever endured while staying at the Shoreline was when we made a choice to go up there SPECIFICALLY to watch the series finale. Little did we know the Shoreline had gotten rid of HBO because some dopey parent wasn’t monitoring her kid’s TV viewing or something and actually had the gall to COMPLAIN to management. And so the HBO was whacked and I had to plug my ears and avoid the papers for THREE SOLID DAYS. “The Sopranos” faded to black and everyone knew it before I did. Good thing we kept/keep plenty of wine in our room.
Listen, I don’t wanna shoot my Shoreline wad here. I could go on forever about my most favorite place on Earth (and will again in this blog). But I think the following video speaks for itself. Best of all, it features my dear pal, Donna Halliday, the Shoreline’s queen sea glass sculptress and caretaker. Donna’s always been one of the many draws for us – the whole Shoreline staff is amazing – and I know for a fact you will fall in love with her as much as we have.
WINE PAIRING: Cayucos is about 32 miles from Paso Robles wine country (via the Old Creek Road), but as it turns out, the Cayucos Cellars tasting room is roughly 32 seconds from the Shoreline Inn, depending on how desperate your pace. So why not knock out a bottle of the 2010 Pinot Gris while you watch me shamelessly flirt with Donna.
Click the pic of Shoreline Inn…on the beach for the video and make your plans to visit there TODAY:
BONUS FEATURE: The Shoreline Inn…on the beach BEACH CAM.